she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
