new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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