i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
