OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
as a side note pls kill me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
