The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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