alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
