He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
