god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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