Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There r osticjed everywhere
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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