NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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