I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize