tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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