I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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