she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dicks are not precious.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
