Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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