Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize