i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
