If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
