every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
