Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The best revenge is premature balding
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
