Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
