just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
