Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
