My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
