i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
