dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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