she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
