I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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