sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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