Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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