i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
