I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
