I just pynch a tree in the face
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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