The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize