I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
