shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
