put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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