I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
