well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
