omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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