He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
