Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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