She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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