we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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