Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
