We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
