Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
