Pappa wants mamma naked
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
