She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
