The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
