i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The air taste purple.
Randomize
