Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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