I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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