I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
