I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
