What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
