yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
