Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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