Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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